Thursday, March 20, 2008

          Have you ever slowed down on the freeway to stare at an accident?  (Someone better be dead up there if I’m stuck in this traffic.)  Have you ever looked through an open window as you walked passed your neighbor’s house?  (I would never paint my living room that green color.  How awful.)  Have you ever gossiped about a co-worker at the water cooler? (I heard Susan stuck her tongue down Mr. Nelson’s throat at the Christmas Party...she’s such a whore.)  Of course you have.  We all have our moments of weakness.  It’s perfectly understandable.  We’re human.  It’s natural to be curious, jealous, or even a bit judgemental now and again.

            But you’d never admit.  You tell your friends that you’re above that kind of behavior.  You might’ve gossiped when you were a schoolgirl but you’re a mature woman now.  And staring at a car wreck?  You wouldn’t dare!  Although…you did watch a small porn clip.  Just once!  Only by accident!  Someone sent you a link and it seemed totally harmless.  I mean, it had a smiley face next to it.  You know, like this .  So you followed the link and there it was, staring you in the face.  You couldn’t look away.  How is she doing that?  Oh, I never thought of that position before.  Hmm…shaved.  And just like that, you were hooked.

            Hey, I’m not perfect either.  I’m only slightly ashamed to admit that I’m part of the MTV generation.  I grew up watching cable.  We used to leave MTV on all day long and try to set new records for watching the “Thriller” video.  As a teenager, I watched the first three seasons of the groundbreaking reality show The Real World.  What a brilliant social experiment!  Seven strangers from different backgrounds, and different parts of the country, were chosen to live together in an apartment in NEW YORK CITY, America’s truest melting pot.  Wow!  What would a Southern girl from Mississippi have to say to a black dude from New Jersey?  And was the black dude gonna be comfortable living with an openly bisexual man?  And where will the gay guy sleep?  Will his boyfriend spend the night?  Riveting.

            The truth is that a show like this was actually a very interesting experiment, in theory.  But anytime you have a camera crew, a casting director, and a “set”, it’s NOT reality.  It’s Reality Television.  What was seemingly meant as a method of starting a dialogue about race and tolerance (during a period of time when America was obsessed with being “Politically Correct”) was, in reality, meant as pure entertainment and nothing more.  And we ate it up.  We took the bait.  We cared.

            Around this time, a former politician by the name of Jerry Springer, was beginning his second season as host of the politically-oriented talk show, The Jerry Springer Show.  Though Jerry’s political career didn’t quite go the way he’d planned, he was given the opportunity to discuss important issues like race and poverty with heavyweights such as Jesse Jackson and Oliver North.  But wouldn’t you know it, Jerry’s career as a host was going the way of his political career; the can.

            To boost low ratings, the producers decided to dig into the trash, too, and as the show’s topics became more disgusting and

more vile, the ratings climbed.  Naturally.  We’re filthy f*@#ing human beings.  And as the ratings of The Jerry Springer Show climbed, other daytime shows felt obligated to compete.  If Jerry had midgets on Monday, Jenny Jones had incestuous midgets on Wednesday.  If Jerry had lesbians on Tuesday, Maury Povich had a lesbian love triangle with incestuous Siamese twins on Thursday.  Nothing was too over the top, and nothing went too far, for daytime television.

            Ah, the 1990’s.  Such an innocent time.  But we were curious, you’ll beg me.  We just HAD to see what all the fuss was about.  Well, America, I hope you’re satisfied.  Andy Warhol said this would happen but you wouldn’t listen.  And now everyone’s watching and nothing is sacred.  Instead of carefully crafted stories with heart that make us think, you’d seriously rather watch people eat bugs?  Need something with family values?  Let’s watch families SWAP WIVES!  Oh, I know, let’s gather a harem of attractive, single women and watch them lie, cheat, and fight each other for a husband!  It’s okay that they just met him, he’s rich!  ARE YOU SERIOUS, AMERICA?  ARE YOU?

            The answer is yes.  I thought it was just a phase, like stonewashed jean jackets or ratting your hair, but it’s clear that Reality TV is not only here to stay…it’s a way of life.  And since the Writer’s Strike brought Hollywood to a halt, TV will never be the same.  Because you needed something, anything, to fill the gaping hole inside you.  The internet wasn’t enough.  Shame on you, America.  Now if you’ll excuse me, some people are moving in next door and I want to see what they look like.  What?  I’m just curious.